This and that


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(1) BUZZ WORDS 
(a) QUEEN BEE : The power behind the throne. 
(b) CLUMSY INSECT : Bumble bee 
(c) HIVE : Hum, sweet hum 
(d) POLLINATION : Fleurtation. 
(e) SWARM : Besiege. 
(f) ROADSIDE SIGN : Cross-road ahead.  Better humour it.  No trash-passing. 
(2) (a) I could have been a psychiatrist, but the thought made me SHRINK;
(b) I could have been a neuro-surgeon, but I didn’t have the NERVE.
(3) There was the mushroom who couldn’t get a date.  “Why don’t girls like me ?” he wailed, “After all, I’m such a FUNGI.”
(4) Tongue-in-cheek news reports :
(a) Thieves stole a van, containing bottles of hair-restorer.  Police are, now, COMBING THE AREA.
(b) Two men robbed a city bank today.  One is described as BEING TALL and the other SHORT.  Police are looking HIGH & LOW for them.
(5) Did you hear about the thief who turned into a successful actor ?  HE STOLE THE SHOW.
(6) Have you heard of ………
(a) Chess-player with a CHEQUERED CAREER;
(b) An Electrician interested in CURRENT AFFAIRS;
(c) A Metallurgist with NERVES OF STEEL;
(d) The Calendar whose DAYS WERE NUMBERED;
(e) The Needle that couldn’t PUT ITS POINT ACROSS ?
(f) The Symphony Conductor, with more engagements than he could SHAKE A STICK AT;
(g) The Retired Punster, who decided to CALL IT QUIPS;
(h) The Infant Prodigy, who was a FLASH IN THE PRAM.
(8) The bitterest tears shed at the graves of our loved ones, are for words unsaid and deeds undone.
(9) Parents need to fill a child’s self-esteem, that the rest of the world can’t poke enough holes in it to drain it dry.
(10) Flatter me and I may not believe you; Criticize me and I may not like you; Ignore me and I may not forgive you; Encourage me and I WILL NOT FORGET YOU.
(11) Some tortures are physical, some are mental, but the one that’s both is DENTAL.
(12) Lasting love for another, sometimes shaken — when the going is calm, gathers strength —- during a storm.
(13) MOVIES PEOPLE SEE : 
(a) Ornithologists —– Where Eagles Dare ;
(b) Meteorologists —– Rain Man ;
(c) Geologists — Rocky ;
(d) Car Mechanics —- Grease.
(14) SNIDELINERS :
(a) He has more angles than a geometry box.
(b) She’s so aggravating, she’d give an aspirin a headache.
(c) His boots shone splendidly, in contrast with his intellect, which did not.
(d) He thought he was a wit and he was half-right.
(15) A baby will make love stronger, nights longer, bank accounts smaller, home happier, clothes shabbier, the past forgotten and the future worth living for.
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